For Usha Devi, knitting was more than a recreation. For the past thirty years, each morning, with lips full of prayers, her hands swayed like an artist – that effortless motion guided by her heart's pure intuitions. Knitting was perhaps the purpose of her life.
One of these mornings, with a disdainful look, she denied permission to her son to visit the annual Kullu Dusshera Mela.
"Nine killed as a bus to Kullu Mela plunges into a valley." The news reader screamed.
With lips brimming with prayers that curved into a wry smile, her fingers resumed the ritualistic passion.
"Jat agitation creates mayhem in several areas of North
India..."
The news anchor monotonously announced the headline
of the day setting my heartbeat quiver.
"Several houses, dhabas (eating
place) were savaged..."
The reporter continued.
My throat parched. Paranoia gripped me.
"This dhaba is all that I have! Oh God! What would happen to my kids? What is
the cause of this violence? Why don't humans realise we have been bestowed
enough to co-exist peacefully? WHY?"
Stealing a glance at the empty cash counter I
whispered a silent prayer.
My sons innocently argued over their game of
chess.
A smile adorned my face as I watched him build castles made of sand. We were at the beach! Reflection of the sun and sky in the vast sea embraced the father-son duo. His animated features – laughter, dark hair, petite limbs - induced a plethora of flashbacks across my nimble mind. "Look daddy! This castle is for you, me and mommy." The curiosity in those eyes reminded me of hers. Memories fade away like wild waves. How to reveal a toddler the abstruseness of motherlessness? Kissing my feet, the sea waves slowly washed away the castle of nostalgic dreams!
“Besides hard work, perseverance and tincture of luck, what gives us the opportunity to stand here is the unfathomable faith we had in each other. Every passing moment we leaned on to each other’s shoulders, cherished every success together, rebuked each other during pitfalls...”
I choked while staring at the last picture of the slide.
“This couldn't have been possible without you brother. Thank you for giving me the shoulder. Wish you were here Mr. CEO!”
With tear filled eyes, I gazed endlessly at our favourite school photograph as the audience gave me and his garlanded picture a standing ovation.
Several awestruck spectators resonated with thunderous applauds. The spotlight dimmed, as an ambient tone filled the jam-packed auditorium. A scintillating display of body movements left the audience cheering for more. She obliged with a smile on her face. As the music faded out, the black swan descended with her walking cane and black shades. She chose not to be escorted. The beaming smile on her face narrated tales of satisfaction as she bit her lips to prevent tears of anguish flow from her veiled eyes.
It happened during one of my retrospective sojourns by the lake side. Glancing down at my reflection I pondered upon the age old conundrum, “Who Am I?”
I remember briefly closing my eyes. An unexplainable euphoric joy gripped me. White light flowing over the surface of lake, created intricate ripples all over!
A hollow voice echoed hence, “Rise my son! For what you seek, thy must turn inwards. Rely not on the physical eyes, the light shall enter through the third…”
A reflection gleamed across the steps below, slowly dissociating amidst the ripples. I had risen!
The show was about to begin. A year had passed since the fateful day. Cold sweat oozed through every pore of my body, as fear gripped tightly the seat of my 'special' bi-cycle.
A flick on the right handle bar set the wheels in motion, as amazed eyes from the crowd held their breath.
Ecstatically suspended mid-air, I stole a glance at my prosthetic lower limbs. Flashbacks bought back the familiar fear, as euphoric cheers greeted my perfect landing.
"You look beautiful today.." He looked deep into her eyes and heaved a deep breath. "Don't..." A deep blush spread from her head to neck as he playfully pulled the string of her backless dress. "Are you sure about it?" He nodded.
* * *
Short of breath and profusely sweating, he stared blankly at the flickering bulb overhead, as a tear rolled from the corner of his eyes. "I am sorry." She didn't speak. It was the longest pause of the entire night. "Please, don't ..." She hastily picked her dress and left.
The quivering bulb overhead, died a natural death too.
Chaotic thoughts flashed across her nimble mind as she gazed into the distant skyline. Each stroke of white cloud communicated with her inner consciousness. She had always longed to be here – away from her dark past.
She could feel the ocean's warmth, inviting her with open arms. It had been a long battle for her. Slowly walking across the shoreline, her lips moved into a silent prayer for the gang of unruly men who were hanged to death for raping her.
A drop of tear submerged into the vast ocean of chaos.
*** If you don’t eat your meat, how can you have your pudding?
His ubiquity was getting unmistakably conspicuous,as nervous minutes ticked by!
I knew, paranoia, accompanied by indignant helplessness was lurking nearby to sweep underneath my sleeves, that slowly began to strangle me. A perfect setting for eeriness to establish its firm roots in the minds of those who overthink and tend to absorb the negativities around them.
The wrongly-timed blizzard outside had made it almost impossible for me to leave the bilking premises. I could risk sneaking underneath the cafeteria window, by frantically running down the emergency flight of stairs, surging towards the exit point.
However, the bleak possibility of landing to safety was severely outweighed by the numbness of my frigid limbs accompanied by the creamy physic induced anxiety and uneasiness.
The innocuous ubiquity of the crazy diamond couldn't be omitted from the equation, presently being outweighed by the possible presence of a diamond-eyed poltergeist.
I can ease your pain,
get you on your feet again!
Although everything around you seems mundanely familiar, it becomes increasingly operose to tame your complex-cognitive mind. I was at the epicentre of the near-perfect concoction of pure, paradisiac emotions along with a surge of tumultuous, chaotic thoughts.
I could sense moments slip by - each one of them liable for subtle psychological and physical transformations. Only if we allowed each juncture to shape as it was meant to be, our lives could be adorned with a deeper sense of awareness and understanding of one’s purpose of existence. I was inexorably thirsty for the secret - the saucer full of undisclosed mysticism that vowed to be revealed only to the ears that turned up, tuned in and dropped out. Persuaded to be the witness of the esoteric revelation, I frantically started frisking through my disorganized stuff for my earphones…
***
Floyd In!
A Saucerful of Secretsis the second studio album by English rock group Pink Floyd. It was recorded at EMI's Abbey Road Studios on various dates from August 1967 to April 1968. It is both the last Pink Floyd album on which Syd Barrett would appear and the only studio album in which all five band members contributed.
A Saucerful of Secrets.
***
It is imperative to notice that at this point of the night; the magic potion had successfully injected its divine effect on my neurotic system. Its ramification was swift and very subtle. I could feel my senses go awry - the tip of my hands started to quiver at the slightest of noise being made in the surrounding, including my own sub-conscious breath. It was becoming increasingly difficult to focus on relatively unimportant matters; instead, my brain chose to dive deeper into the realms of mysticism to unravel enigmas that chose to remain incognito.
I craved for MORE!
***
Moreis the first full-length soundtrack album, and third studio album, by the English rock band Pink Floyd, released on 13 June 1969 in the United Kingdom. More contains some acoustic folk ballads, a genre that appeared sparsely on later works. This is Pink Floyd's first full album without founder member Syd Barrett, who was ousted from the group in early 1968 during the recording of their previous album. It is one of the two Pink Floyd albums to feature David Gilmour as the sole lead vocalist.
Main Theme
***
What is the first thought that comes to your head, synonymous with unfulfilled desires, your wildest fantasies, to be with the one you always wanted to be but never got a chance to be. The ability to fantasize is a remarkable evolutionary adaptation. It allows us to create elaborate mental models of reality and play out our feelings and desires within them. Through fantasy, our brains have provided us with a consequence-free space to gratify our desires, give our feelings expression, and to create and test alternate perspectives.
I absolutely adore working in the realms of fantasies.
Sex?
***
Ummagummais a double album by the English progressive rock band Pink Floyd. It was released on 25 October 1969.
The album's title supposedly comes from Cambridge slang for sex. The studio album came as a result of Richard Wright wanting to make "real music”.
Careful With That Axe Eugene
***
Sometimes there are no words.
And sometimes that’s exactly how it should be!
Is there anyone else out there who was very skeptical of this new album that's supposed to be coming out in November? I can't even explain how excited I got when I first heard the announcement. Actually, it was a link to an article and the link said something like "David Gilmour's wife confirms a new Pink Floyd album is coming". I nearly shit my pants, vomited and blew a load all at the same time. True Story! While, many felt that without an official band or management statement, specifically announcing 'the end of Pink Floyd' we had to conclude the band still existed – even if not active; meanwhile, debates have raged and heated arguments dragged on inconclusively around sources like Wikipedia about exactly when Pink Floyd became 'inactive' and 'ceased to exist' as a band by virtue of some immeasurable, undetermined, organic process. When we consider all of this, it seems fitting that Pink Floyd lays these questions to rest in such an ethereal and halcyon manner on
The Endless River.
Side one starts with voices discussing why people argue, before someone mutters, “The sum is greater than the parts”, and a deep boom gives way to the slow fade-up of scintillating synthesizers. David Gilmouruses an E-Bow on his guitar on this side, which makes it sound at times like it has been taped and played backwards and at others gives it a pleasing hum and buzz. It’s light-touch stuff, very pretty. This is not to say that the music on The Endless River is mellow (some is) but to say that as a listener, from the beginning to the end of the album you sense you are on a mission, heading toward a final destination: one that is at peace with finality as the journey approaches denouement in the lyrics of Louder Than Words.
***
This album is definitely for the unquenchable thirst of all the Floyd fanatics, who have emotively been annexed with the group throughout their long and glorious walk to eternity. With only three members of the original lineup alive, and only two musically contributing to this album, it is a must have for the compulsive ears that go comfortably numb on that one magical note from the maestro’s guitar! Goosebumps, after each track unveils and fades out to the next, reminiscent of the good old Floyd era, that once again promises to etch an ever lasting impression on the Floyd-heads.
My brain pulsated, as I tuned in my earphones for the one last time. . .
The journey is beautiful when you are in a quandary about the limitless horizon – nebulous, yet tempting!
You muster courage and decide to plunge into the river, ride the final high tide, before taking the last bow to eternity. All the precognitive knowledge fails; so does the antecedent wisdom.
You lay still, submissive, yet alert to the flowing musical tides, as you allow the prism bearers to stride you to the other side.
A salty drop trickled down my pale cheeks, as I lay exhausted with my hands cupped against my puckered eyelids.
All my esoteric emotions gave away to a compulsive liquid state, as more tears gushed out from the corner of my eyes,
Working late in the night all by yourself, can be ecstatic sometimes. When the only noise echoing through the entire floor are made by your fingers coming down heavily on the subsidized keyboard, particularly the low pitched hollow sound released to append a white space in between two separate words. Hitting the keys and gazing at my dim monitor screen to adore the magical letters dancing in front of me, adorning and giving shape to a nascent, unnamed thought that kept on lingering in my head for the past few weeks.
The diagonally-aligned ceiling lights overhead, along with the air conditioning speed had been turned down low to an unnoticeable level across the floor – reminiscent of a grim, impoverished store room, lined geometrically with revolving arm chairs that if pushed backwards reclined at an inaccurate but comfortable angle.
My eyes wore a murky shade of red – impoverished, sleep denied, an over-strained tool for visual assistance. The red color of my eyes could be attributed to the creamy herbs - hand-picked from the lush green hilltops.
The sempiternal battle between a cotton-mouthed throat and laggardly lazy limbs seldom ends in overpowering the latter. My legs lethargically carried me towards the cafeteria.
The cafeteria which during the daytime, bustled with boisterously decorated minions - wearing sleazy tags over their collar bones, discussing petty issues over long tea/coffee breaks - wore a deserted look then. Everything around seemed incommensurable that night -
The endless night!
I knew it was time to…
Floyd In
Pink Floyd was founded in 1965 by students Syd Barrett, Nick Mason, Roger Waters, and Richard Wright. They gained popularity performing in London's underground music scene during the late 1960s, and under Barrett's leadership released two charting singles and a successful debut album -
After one of the longest sigh's that night, I rested my earphones in front of my keyboard and took another sip from my coffee mug. It definitely smelled better than it tasted. The weather widget on my desktop announced it was cold enough to decline a self-skimmed, steaming cup of coffee. I remember leaning back to my chair, intertwining my fingers, gazing pointlessly at the grim ceiling.
I could hear them mumble chaotically in my head, panting every now and then -
"I found [Barrett] in the dressing room and he was so ... gone. Roger Waters and I got him on his feet, [and] we got him out to the stage ... The band started to play and Syd just stood there. He had his guitar around his neck and his arms just hanging down."
I took a deep breath and gently closed my eyes. The dry outline of my lips forming a beatific smile, as I sank into the eternal void- caressing and embracing me.
* * *
The night was still unwinding. With every nervous moment passing by, I was getting drawn inside the prism to be spewed out into the magical realm of mysticism. It started to get eerie. An uncomfortable, but pleasing assurance embraced me - the pipers had arrived!
The beatific smile crawled back safely over my pale face.
My heart plunged as the pipers came knocking for more...
I know, I should’ve written earlier. But a lot has been going on here since you left us.
See, the endowments you bestowed onto the few selected lot of imbecile monkeys to stride forward together, towards a more beautiful and peaceful home, have largely misinterpreted your divine blessing, taking undue advantage of their free will - replacing your statue of love and harmony with ever imposing hatred and never ending ego.
Whom, once you blessed as brothers are now up in arms, facing off and slaying each other over trivial issues you would be disappointed to hear. Yes, the conditions are worse as they sound, and, believe me, dear mother, I am not exaggerating.
What you might have once dreamt as your beautiful second home, outlined by shadows of your unconditional love, is slowly moving towards the dark side.
Mislead and misguided, often with deliberate attempts of choking on meaningless desires, that never ceases to lure the human greed. Peace, love, harmony are mere words, sung by disheartened dreamers, long boycotted by the vicious circle of rules, regulations, sect, creed, religion, their version of reality, woven in a perfect hallucinatory design, earmarked to believe as truth.
But you cannot see the truth with your eyes closed. Or can you?
The messengers of love - young men and women singing in your glory, spreading the divine word, narrating the doctrine of peace - end up burdened under relentless conspiracies - piles of unfinished stories. Sadly, only the powerful and ego-maniacs win.
Oh! You won't believe we've invented this object termed money - that has further aggravated our existential on this beautiful planet. We actually pay for living, for staying alive!
As if every breath blessed by your loving grace, connecting us and making us merge with The One was not enough - yes, we have invented a bigger pursuit than happiness.
It is more than mere peaceful existence - we have started to be something else you chose us to be. We have forgotten the purpose we started this euphoric journey the first place.
Yes, we have pushed and shoved your image away. We sadly have taken our existence for granted, ignoring to dance to the rhythm of the universe, blinded enough to overlook the obvious patterns and designs we were born to.
Choosing to forget that we chose to be here inside the human bodies of ours for a much bigger reason, than chasing and filling our lungs with greasy bundles of printed paper, giving fake promises of an accomplished life.
Sigh!
I envisage mortality as the single toppling brink that has helped your offspring's survive midst tremendous pandemonium that prevails on your blessed land since centuries. We have collectively failed to realize Love is the answer.
Maybe our ego curtained ignorance is too perdurable to view the obvious, finding happiness in everything else but within ourselves.
As I write this disheartening piece of letter under the influence of the divine invocation, many hapless heads are being butchered for non-existential boundaries and borders, greedy hands vying to butcher every inch of your blessed endowment.
Lamenting, I throw my nimble hands up in the air, seeking intervention. I know all isn't lost - there still is hope.
All my brothers need is a sign - a divine harbinger whispering into their deaf ears - that shall resonate and awaken them from their long hibernation to discover the abundant radiance of the almighty surrounding and embracing us all.
That infinite ray of light beaming and exploding through the minds of all, thrusting us in togetherness towards the One.
“Hey, Bob, look out, we got two of those flashers out there. They could be SLA [Spacecraft Lunar Module Adapter] panels. I don’t know. They’re alike in intensity and pretty regular in the bright and dim flashes they come out with, and they’re widely separated.”
A dazed Bob gazed into the infinite ceiling above his shining head. It was a week later his centurion day on his mystically surfaced planet.
Flashbacks of the crazy jamboree his mates back home threw to commemorate his special day, pranged back his head. Never before had he felt so dazed and confused.
Realizing and perceiving stories during his mystical blackouts under the influence of the Shaman's medicine paved path and gave birth to this journey he decided to disembark with his long time comrade Tim.
They were midway solving the long existing puzzle as to what might happen if one dared to break free and egress the divine pattern that was all connected and delineated by Gaia herself.
Was it even possible?
To ignore the obvious links and knots you knew were handcrafted to exist. What could life possibly mean without being breathed in, caressed and treasured by the loving hands of nature, and when the rightful time arrives, being breathed out and rested in sublime sleep - transcending to an alternate dimension - a possible alternate life hidden away from the realms of this existing form. A panting Bob joined his frenzied pal and zoomed their optics out into the open space - an infinite omnidirectional dimension as they were always narrated and made to learn about in their dorms.
Their superior sense of vision - a characteristic that was common to off springs of their lineage made them good explorers - a job that was much in demand and sought after in their homeland - Paxterra.
Their forefathers had envisioned a near perfect system and way of existence, that was well preserved and eventually passed on to the upcoming cohorts. It was widely believed and revered as the divine's way of existence. No one, till then ever imagined a life devoid of the peaceful existence that was meant to devour on the souls of all beings on their territory. The pair was the first to wander and explore the possibilities of breaking away from the devout bond holding all beings together as one.
Yes, it was true; both of them saw a pale blue dot hanging out motionless in the distant space. As small and insignificant as a speck of dust, it reflected back light from the near and distant stars that blessed its surface - an assurance, it had no light of its own - a possible satellite or may be a planet - a possibility it could usher similar life forms blessed and taken care by Gaia.
But, stumbling on something so precious in this infinitesimally spanning dimension was never easy! Their fathers had futilely spent their entire lifetime trying to make contact with other species, merely trying to understand their existence and to share their treasured knowledge that helped sustain and flourish the mesmerizing Paxterra. They started to jot down notes and excitingly taking snaps of what laid ahead of them.
"Umm, Yeah! We are making a detour. This pale blue dot might be interesting. Wish us luck! Namaste."
Several nervous moments of intense breathings and constant static followed from the chambers of the bronze plated speaker and mic setting that laid tangled in front of Bob.
With every dripping of red sweat from his third eye – a clear indication for Tom, that his pal was feeling the heat – his hunch about a possible existence of life form in the pale blue dot converted to a belief. An affirmative nod followed.
“Hi this is Bob, yes we see some strange gas, all black and stinky filling up the atmosphere surrounding the planet. Poor bastards shit them inhaling down here!”
][shivering…][
“Ha! This is crazy!”
][After some heavy static...][
“Yeah! They are in terrible shape James. Shruck! These ego driven minions seem to lustfully live in utter Helter skelter. Shruck!
I fail to understand how should I react at this moment? Shall I be angered at these potheads for blatantly ignoring the obvious channels of love and mutual co-existence or should I be brimming with pitiful tears of sorrowfulness and stretch out my hand to pull them out of this plight…”
][A loud thud subduing a heavier explosion resonates the sealed chambers...][
“ Shruck! They are in desperate need of our help...The message must be delivered. At once – flash of light needs to be… Shruck! The divine message...”
“Uhm, you sure about it?”
][Heavy crackling voice resonating… ][
“We don't understand the universe yet. We don’t understand any of this stuff. They've come to believe, inside every black hole, there is another universe.Wrap your fucking head around!”
* * *
III.
DAY
AFTER
TOMORROW
You are standing in an empty room. A room made of little pieces of stardust that carry emptiness between them. There are no pieces of furniture - no chairs or tables. They were there, but they took them away. There are no monsters from your bad dreams, although, they never were there. Remember! You are standing in an empty room. While breathing in and out, you feel the movement of the emptiness inside you and that the emptiness is You. At this moment, you see that the only things which are absent in the room are the impossible ways of existence.
Do you see the reason for your existence?
Seeing is not always believing ... Or is it?
"My third eye has been active ever since I was a child. Years back it turned into a full blown Kundalini awakening - you know the kind that feels like lightning bolts shooting down your spine through the major chakra pathways. But when I was a kid, I could physically feel things near my forehead and it would intermittently tickle. I used to telepathically communicate to the street dogs and they would rub their whiskers against my forehead and it would send intense energy soaring through my endocrine system. This sounds kind of weird but I grew up thinking that all people experienced these sensations in their pineal gland until I had the Kundalini awakening and learned that hardly anyone does. It was hilarious when I was trying to explain this to my doctor and realized he had no clue what I was talking about. They tested me for brain seizures and everything." But then one day it happened again... Of all the significant hypothesis proved, equations etched, laws imposed against the will of nature - I chose one - a bicycle trip - that single handily has the potential to outweigh almost everything else, making the mere existence of all the egocentric motives and rituals around you laughable. Throughout human history, as mankind has witnessed a plethora of groundbreaking declarations - most of which can - and has made us question our will, only one can be earmarked as worthy decree, that one single bicycle trip that seemed to change the very perception of human senses and made us see what our eyes were designed for - what our minds were fabricated and connected to perceive - what our souls roamed for in human forms endlessly craving for - the dream to finally be exigent - to be here and now - opening the doors of perception and realizing to free your mind should be the ultimate whim of the moment. Nothing else should matter!
To see the light we must embrace the darkness.
I met Jesus while he was raving during the days of cannibal holocaust. It was intense. They came, they delivered the message, and with a flash of light, every moment of happiness gushed out from our lifeless veins into the infinite pool of love and harmony of the universe.
The message that should’ve been learned a long time ago was finally being whispered into the deaf ears, resonating inside the mind of the numb receivers with every available inch of dimension, every tune delivering a different meaning – a magical world of truly infinite possibilities.
Where none was judged or jester at the way one thought or held an opinion about everything close or remotely associated with his world.
Oh! A world where every head was held high and all understood the meaning of each other’s existence inside the creation we all were collectively a part of – where everyone held equal responsibilities towards the betterment of the environment they were attached to as a whole.
All embraced and held each others’ nerves during tense moments of intense peaks - vibrations racing down from their crown spiraling across The Sushumna tunnel of enlightenment, dissociating its energy across the floral shaped ground on which they stood.
Only after intense dark nights arrives the brightest shimmering sun.
140bpm… 180bpm… 220bpm…
It was close to five in the morning, the moon which radiantly overlooked the night proceedings slowly started to recede midst the shy gray bordering clouds, creating intricate patterns outlining mystically shaped faces in the sky that made way for that nascent reddish sunbeam outstretching across the abysmal horizon.
][A boisterous mob had gathered, looking up at the sky, dazed and confused!][
“You are ant-like pitiable creatures living in your own confined dimensions, unaware of an existence beyond your known defined realms. You are a nightingale singing gaily in your own delusional world, elaborately created by your adroit mind. You don’t want to invest any time rationalizing out your thoughts, it’s easier to make a blanket statement that everyone is equal and inherently good. Not true. All of you are instinctively reacting to your own circumstances. The fact is, there is only one obvious truth out there. There is or there is not. It makes no sense to me as to why you morons would choose to make your own deities when common sense demands only One. Human history keeps on repeating itself because you have been designed by The Mother, one short of perfection. See, you can’t fix this mess the way of conquering this planet, simply because you did not author it the first place. So quit trying. Accept things as they are meant to be, rather than over analyzing and tweaking everything as per your own whims. You are incapable of total unity – as there always will exist diametrically opposite dualities. There is no creation without dual existence. All you walking bodies of bones and veins are in dire need of enlightenment. Even within your ethnic differences, all are aware of a presence of something higher – that has guided and created every inch of this universe into existence. Even your children are born with this awareness – but are too soon sucked into the giant heap of evil schemes and plots weaved to mess things up by sick bastards out there trying to vanquish and conquer your holy mother! Wake up! Did you come into existence into this beautiful realm for this? Think while it is still legal.”
][Harsh laughter crossfades across the skyline with harsher music, raining full power!][
Bizarre images flashed in front of him, questioning his own confined vision, he entered realms unknown to his trained mind.
See, this is why knowledge is dangerous. It limits your mind. We forget too quickly that the mind craves infinity.
Quit taming your mind to believe what you think is apposite to affirmation, 'cause the mind wants to turn on, tune in and drop out.
When the veil of ego floating on the wings of knowledge fades off, frightful thought loops overtake those who try to control the mind – those who don’t want to let go. He rose up, looking around, quickly realizing this – all new dimension he was puked out, bordering with grim faces, echoing with eerie voices and strange noise - was not taught or narrated in any of those books he was made to love as a kid. He wanted it to stop, wishing to exit this strange dimension. He started to breathe heavily, as more confusion poured over his fazed mind.